Adjustments

 

This week I pondered a lot about adjustments. When looking at adjustments an average person will go through in their life, it’s surprising we’re not accustomed to change. I think most people would agree that change is unwelcome in most cases. Or sometimes they want the change but still feel negative effects of the adjustment. What types of adjustments do we go through in our life? When growing up, new school, new friends. Later in life, it’s about adjusting to taking care of ourselves, rent, bills, work, and time management. Dating is another large adjustment. How to date, who to date, when to date, and eventually when to marry. These adjustments aren’t always bad changes, most of them are good, and teach us important skills. However, it can be hard to still feel those positive effects when we are stressed.

A large adjustment is seriously dating someone, getting engaged to them, and then marrying them. To those of you who are married, what were some adjustments that were hard for you?

This week, in my studies, I read articles and had discussions about what adjustments can be hard for engagement and marriage. These adjustments can be directly applied to dating. If you learn how to strengthen a relationship early on, it’s possible the adjustments might be easier. Deciding to marry someone is so exciting, definitely a highlight of life. However, it takes a lot of work. You have to plan the wedding, find a place to live, and so much more. I learned this week that the preparations shouldn’t only be for the wedding day, it should also be for the marriage. You should prepare for your life with them. Engagement is a unique time for a couple to start making important decisions and building a deeper relationship. It’s a time to talk about what habits you want to create now, in the future, when kids enter into the picture, and so many more. This can often feel extremely overwhelming but it’s such an important period. Often, it’s recommended that this period be short. Once engaged, it can be hard to stay in a middle phase for so long. From most couples I’ve talked to, they all recommended dating longer and then having a short engagement. What have you all seen?

I discussed with many people this week what adjustments can be hardest for couples. Generally, within the first month, I was told budgeting, communication, and decision making can be some of the hardest adjustments. All of the sudden you have another person to take care of, both physically and emotionally. That can be an interesting adjustment. You have to make sure your finances can support the marriage needs, especially if there are kids involved!! Communication is a large struggle for some couples. Some topics that can be hard to discuss would be, sexual intimacy, resolving conflict, and talking about making large decisions. Most people aren’t used to spending 24/7 with someone and it guarantees that during your lifespan with someone, you will hurt their feelings. Adjusting is hard, and often there are disagreements and struggles because you are in charge of that persons’ heart. You are in charge of loving them and although that opens you for the capability to be extremely happy, it also means you have the same capability to hurt someone. Communication is really important, although it can be hard when in an argument, you should always speak kindly and with respect. It’s important to remember that you choose that person, and that agreement and commitment means you become an active participant in their well-being. They become your top priority and you seek to resolve conflict when it arises, remembering the relationship you’ve built.

Moral of this post is to be considerate, loving, and so kind to others, especially those whom you have a serious relationship with.

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