Break the Cycle

Welcome back to another week of learning and blogging! I hope everyone is doing well and it’s exciting to have an opportunity to share my thoughts and insights with everyone. I must admit, I do not know much when it comes to the marriage and family field. I’m actually a Horticulture student who loves plants. However, I’ve had a very colorful life and a pretty unique family dynamic. That was my initial reason for wanting to minor in Marriage and Family Studies. There is so much to be learned from past experiences, present observations, and future goals. I say this because I understand everyone has their own family experiences and I hope to never insult someone by the topics I share.

I’m very interested in the subject we learned in class this week. We took a deeper look into how families really function and separate into family dynamics. Most people would say, traditionally, there is a married couple and children. Well, the married couple is usually the most important family dynamic. I say this because a healthy marriage can set the tone for children. My parents were divorced, and it made things hard for me. So, I personally, feel like the health of the marriage can greatly influence the child. Moving beyond the marriage relationship there are also other interrelationships within a family. For instance, the children all have relationships with one another or with each parent. I have two other siblings and I can definitely say that we all had different relationships with each other which were separate from our parents. People are going to act differently when around their favorite sibling compared to the child they get along with the least. The parents might speak to their daughters differently than their sons and so on and so forth.

Families are incredibly complex units. They function from their own understandings, rituals, relationships, and rules. This week my teacher encouraged us to think about what rules existed in our home. Some rules were spoken, don’t let the dog off the leash, always eat your vegetables, and many more. Some rules, or understandings, in families are unspoken. As I stated before my family was untraditional and unfortunately was not very happy. That being said most of the rules that existed in our home, both spoken, and unspoken, were about keeping peace. They centered around keeping my angry father at bay so we could all enjoy the day. As trauma’s continued and my parents split, there became two sets of rules, one set for when we were with mother and another with father.

As I’ve looked back at my family to see where some of the mistakes were made, it became apparent that some behaviors were passed down from other generations. I hope no one misunderstands what I mean, every person has a choice to treat their loved ones appropriately. However, when coming from bad habits, you are more likely to continue those habits with your family. It can turn into a generation after generation problem. With that said, there is always hope. If we learn healthy habits young and look up to good role models you can change past behaviors. That’s what I want to emphasize in this blog, I want to help people strive for the best and healthiest family they can possibly achieve. Starting new healthy habits begins with understanding yourself and your thought process. What are your expectations about marriage and family? How do you view others when they make mistakes? If you can dive deep within yourself and answer questions like these, you’ve already begun to make healthy decisions. Start now, dream about who you want to be in every relationship you create. Be humble, learn more about yourself and don’t put yourself in a box. Don’t let yourself believe you will continue the mistakes of your family.

What are your thoughts or advice to those trying to better themselves or their family?